Thursday, November 29, 2012

My Serious Anxiety

I'm one of those people who doesn't just like something and think it's good, but totally falls head over heels in love and obsesses over it, whether it's a movie, book, song, whatever. I will go an entire week listening to the same song on repeat. If I watch a favorite movie for the tenth time my mind will often get so lost in the story it's disturbing when I have to come back to reality. I guess that makes me either extremely weird or extremely passionate. But that passion sometimes comes with a price - something I call my "favorite overload".

A prime example of this is when I go into a book store. The second I step foot inside I am slammed with major anxiety. I'm not talking "gee there are so many books in here, this is awesome" but jittery-wandering-about-the-store-like-I'm-a-zombie-because-I-can't-freaking-focus-long-enough-to-know-where-to-begin-and-my-heart-is-going-to-leap-from-my-chest anxiety. It really sucks. Last time I think I even had a rash on my neck by the time I left and I have never broken out in hives before that I can remember. There is simply not enough time in the day for me to read all the books that are accumulating in my to-read list. I try to sneak reading time in at night, but often fall asleep and have the typical "kindle crashing down on my face" syndrome.

To cut down on this particular "favorite overload" I try to stick mostly to eBooks and avoid bookstores at all costs. For some reason, public libraries aren't quite as traumatic for me. I've gotten better about actually borrowing books, if you can believe there are just places that loan you a book for free. Besides, my physical bookshelves are so full they're beginning to bow down in the middle. If we ever build a new house, you can bet there will be a full-blown library somewhere in there with velvet lounge chairs for reading. The one below would do just fine.
Maybe I just confessed to all of you that I have some serious kind of mental disorder, or maybe I just proved that I'm a hard core author because it seems most authors I've met have personality quirks. It doesn't matter because I learned my lesson when taking depression meds and wasn't able to write for years while on it. But my point is, sometimes when you feel passionately about something, it can physically effect you in ways you would never have imagined.

What are some of your anxieties or passions?

1 comment:

Risurocket said...

You aren't alone. I don't get quite that feeling of anxiety, but I do blank out completely and just wander around in bookstores without focus. I do this in Libraries too. Even if I bring a list, I totally forget to use it. I think it's that I just love being around books!

And Twitter...omg, I am overloaded with all the potential reading! I need to cut back. Twitter is where I am getting my book anxiety. I can't please everyone by reading all their books, even if I want to, and that's where my anxiety comes from.
Why is it that passions can seem to ignite so much anxiety too? Writing is my other passion and I have never shed so many tears in the last month as I did with finally making the decision to really follow my dream.

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