On Being Burned Out, Frustrated, and Grateful...An Open Discussion About My Career

While I'm possibly talking to myself with this post as my blog seems to have lost followers in my absence, I thought I'd put it out there regardless. Because a writer's gotta write, right? And I consider it a form of therapy to openly talk to my fans about where I'm at in my career.

Contrary to popular belief or the darkest thoughts of my psyche, I have not quit writing. After several months of putting my craft to work in other avenues in which I usually worked seven days a week and sometimes up to 12 hours a day, I took the months of September and October "off" to help my husband farm. Turns out it was a much needed mental break from writing.  I didn't realize I was completely burned out until I stepped away from it all.

Although some people may think writing is easy and a non-stop fun-fest, it can take a toll on a person - especially when self-employed with ridiculously long days because you're not reporting to an 8-5 job and can type away in the comfort of you home until you're unable to keep your eyes open. And then there's the marketing aspect of being an indie author. Don't even get me started on the business side of my dream career, because I'm clearly not cut out for that kind of thing. I'm unorganized and unfocused, unable to stick to a plan. And the experts say as a writer you have to have a presence on social media. Although it has become an important tool for reaching fans, it's also a place where you learn about the success of others and begin to question yourself and your work.

*Cue depression*

I've been open about dealing with depression in the past and I'm not about to shy away from it now. Around the time I was preparing to help with harvest, I was in a tunnel so long and so dark that it seemed I would never find my way back out. I quit the business side of social media, even unfollowing my dearest of writer friends because it was too painful to see others flourishing when I was floundering. Thankfully I've never been suicidal, but there was a time when everything seemed pretty bleak and I would cry at the drop of a hat. Like many so people battling inner demons, I was able to smile and put on a brave face while trudging through the murkiest of waters. Not many people in my life knew about my struggle.

For the first time in five years, I didn't participate in NaNoWriMo (an annual (November) novel writing project that brings together professional and amateur writers from all over the world). Instead I used this "time off" to evaluate my career. I say "time off" as I was sometimes spending 10 hours per day in the tractor and that can be way more exhausting than one would think. Now that I was able to take a step back and put things into perspective, I'm so incredibly grateful.

I'm sure everything I said above sounds incredibly whiny, especially coming from someone who works from home and doesn't have to meet the demands of a surly boss or punch a clock. Though it's dangerous when you're able to set your own hours in a job you love because there's no one to tell you it's time for a break, it's also incredibly convenient. I'm amazed my friends with jobs can keep up with their teenager's activities and I can't fathom how working farm wives can meet the demands of their husbands. Being married to someone who also sets their own hours gives us the kind of freedom together that most people dream about (aside from the grueling demands of planting and harvest seasons, of course). My days of spending weeks building up the courage to ask for accrued time off are long gone. And I can virtually write from anywhere so long as I have access to power, it's quiet, and there aren't people moving around me (demanding, I know, but I have crazy ADD). In reality, it's the ideal job.

Having gone from a well-paying job to being self-employed almost four years ago was at first a serious blow to my ego. I don't have the kind of salary that a person could live off, but I am making some money. The fact that I have actual fans who buy my books and want to read more really says something. I've wanted to be a writer since I was eight years old. I'm not only proud of myself for making my dream a reality, but incredibly thankful beyond words for those who have an interest in my work. I wouldn't be where I am today without them.

It has never been my goal to become famous. I know I won't ever be on the same playing field with the likes of Stephen King or J. K. Rowling as I'm lightyears away from their level of prose. Honestly, I wouldn't want that kind of public recognition anyway. I'm uncomfortable the way it is when a stranger asks me in public about my next book and therefore know I would totally suck if put in a spotlight of any significance. I simply want people to get excited about my books because the endless stories going through my head won't stay silent. I want fans to fall in love with my heroes and get lost in the worlds I create. And hopefully one day my ultimate dream of having a book made into a movie will be realized. *fingers crossed*

Last night I had a breakthrough and, for the first time in months, wrote for several hours straight. So here I am, back in the saddle of sorts, ready to focus on writing and decide what project I want to do next. Hopefully in 2016 I'll be releasing the long awaited sequel to Shymers and the next two books in the Paranormal Keepers series as well as a few other projects, but I still have to work it all out and decide my next moves. Because that's what you have to do as an indie author - make all the decisions on your own. It's stressful as all hell, but I'm still thrilled that I have the opportunity to spend my life doing what I love. If you've reading this and you've read even one of my books, I thank you from the very bottom of my heart. It's people like you who have helped to make my life complete!

10(ish) Questions With Author Kendare Blake!

Okay, so excuse me as I come down from a major case of fangirl overload. Kendare Blake recently became one of my favorite authors of all-time with her witty mannerisms, laced with some pretty dark tales. She's become the master of YA horror, some comparing her to the genius of Stephen King with her phenomenal novel Anna Dressed in Blood, and most recently Antigoddess. I was beyond honored when she recently agreed to answer a few questions for my blog, and can't stop laughing from her response to my last question. If you haven't heard of Kendare until now, do yourself a huge favor and buy her books. Seriously.

Was there something in particular that inspired you to write scary stories for a living, or did you just know you were destined for awesomeness?

Scary stories ARE awesomeness, aren't they? I don't understand folks who hate scary entertainment. As for what inspired me, I think I'm morbid and disgusting by nature. I don't find a lot of what I write terribly scary, but it's all fairly dark, and hopefully, disturbing. Stephen King was the first real novelist I read, along with Anne Rice and Bret Easton Ellis, so...let's just say I never had any desire to read a Babysitter's Club book.

Who was your favorite character to write so far? (And if your answer isn’t Cas, why not? You did an amazing job of getting inside a teenage boy’s head!)

I'm so glad you thought so! Though Cas is sort of a special case: a teen who hasn't hung around many other teens. Most of his interactions have been with adults, his mom, twenty-somethings and Gideon. I'm dodging this question, because I don't know who's my favorite to write. I love Cas and Thomas and Carmel and Morfran, just like I love Athena, Cassandra, Hermes, and weirdly enough, Ares. They've all surprised me at some point, and that's what makes it fun.

You’ve been compared to Stephen King, and as a life long fan of his, I think it’s well justified. What elements do you think make a best selling horror story?

I don't know. People are pretty easily scared, for the most part, so maybe the scares aren't as important as compelling concept. I know that my faves are the particularly clever ones, or the particularly twisted ones. Gore is optional, and it can be so easy to do poorly. Also, thank you! I don't think it's justified, but I'll take it.

Other than Sleepwalk Society, I believe your books have all been YA paranormal. Do you see yourself writing outside of the genre again anytime in the future? What's your favorite part about writing YA?
I'm sure I'll write outside the genre. What I'm working on now is outside the genre, and I don't know if it's adult or YA. You have to write the stories that want writing, you know? It's never a real decision. I'm not one of the writers who has three or four fantastic ideas to choose from. One at a time, it demands attention, and then on to the next.

My favorite thing about writing YA is that I don't think of it as YA. I think of it as writing. Same when I'm reading it. YA is just a label, a way of categorizing something that's way too broad and varied, but I understand why it needs to be categorized. Things need organization, right? 

When you’re not busy writing the next best seller, what are some of your favorite guilty pleasures?

Guilty pleasures, eh? I love going to restaurants. Love it. And I guess I still DVR General Hospital, the soap opera, because I heard it was going off the air and I used to watch it as a kid so I wanted to watch the end, and then the damn thing didn't die. So now I'm stuck watching until it finally does.

 

Although you grew up in the great state of Minnesota, and went to college in London, your bio says you currently live in the beautiful state of Washington. Please tell me you know Isaac Marion, and the two of you meet on a regular basis over beers!

I do not know Isaac Marion, though I would love to meet him on a regular basis over beers. I'd actually like to meet anyone on a regular basis over beers. That sounds nice.

What authors do you admire, and what would you crown your favorite book of all-time?

That's an impossible crown. The answer is always going to change. From day to day. Hour to hour. In the time it takes to reply to this question. The Mists of Avalon? Jane Eyre? The Stand? IT? NOS4A2? The Red Tree? The Unbearable Lightness of Being? His Dark Materials? The Iliad?

I admire Holly Black, Caitlin R Kiernan, Joe Hill, Milan Kundera, Bret Easton Ellis, and loads of others. Anyone who writes, really. There's always something to admire.

Is the sequel to Antigoddess your next release, and will there be a third Anna Dressed in Blood (there must be a way to make Anna permanently corporeal so she can run off into the sunset with Cas!)?
Yes, the formerly titled ARISTEIA is my next release. No word yet on what it's new name is. The Goddess War Book Two. I'm doing edits now, and I'm pretty excited about it actually. No plans for a third Anna, but I'm never taking it off the table. I miss them. You never know when Cas will show up and demand the attention again. He loves the attention.

You must watch horror movies considering how much you love writing horror. What are some of your favorites?
Hmm. I just watched Insidious: Chapter 2, and if you put both together, it's a pretty decent experience. Not scary, but not dull. I also like SINISTER, so James Wan is on my current sweetlist. The Descent about the girl-eaters in the caves was pretty scary, but I didn't ENJOY watching it. And I'll always love Freddy Krueger. Scream is great, too, but they should've left it alone after 2, or even the first one. And I'm pretty pleased that the slew of Japanese horror remakes has ebbed. The Ring was okay. The Ring 2 was stupid. The Grudge was silly, thank god it had Buffy in it.

And finally, who in the hell do you think is feeding rats to the zombies on The Walking Dead?

I think it's that creepy little girl who names them. She's trouble. Even her sister knows it. They should probably toss her over the fence, ASAP. Like, post-haste. Slingshot into the woods, the next time the walkers try their leaning and climbing trick. I mean, they're already out of piglets.

Thanks so much for having me by! 

Kendare Blake is an import from South Korea who was raised in the United States by caucasian parents. You know, that old chestnut. She received a Bachelor's degree in Business from Ithaca College and a Master's degree in Writing from Middlesex University in London. She brakes for animals, the largest of which was a deer, which sadly didn't make it, and the smallest of which was a mouse, which did, but it took forever. Amongst her likes are Greek Mythology, rare red meat and veganism. She also enjoys girls who can think with the boys like Ayn Rand, and boys who scare the morality into people, like Bret Easton Ellis.

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