A Post of Thanks - 10 (Shallow) Reasons I'm Happy This Holiday Season

I recently shared in a post how I've been struggling with writing and how grateful I am to have amazing fans. Since it's Thanksgiving, I want to go one step further and list ten things I am currently grateful to have in my life on this holiday of thanks. These are things that go beyond friends, family, and fans, because I feel it goes without saying that I feel blessed and cannot imagine my life without them. Plus those are things of importance and the list I'm about to provide is shallow and petty, but makes me smile nonetheless. So here they are, in no particular order:

1. X-Files reboot. The original series is in my top three TV shows of all time and since the first movie was release, my fingers are always crossed that Chris Carter will give us more. I'm a little annoyed because they're hinting that Scully and Mulder are no longer a couple, but I refuse to accept that they would permanently separate a couple of such epic proportions.

2. New Foo Fighters album. Most of my fans know by now that I freaking ADORE Dave Grohl and crew so much that I recently got a tattoo with the band's logo. This past Monday they surprised fans with an EP containing five new songs they're giving away for free. If you're a fan of music, I suggest you check out their new EP because they're a group of really sweet guys who are also hilarious and know how to rock.

3. Beta reading awesome books. I've had the pleasure of getting to know Kate L. Mary after I fangirled her on Goodreads. Now that she's convinced I'm not a crazy stalker, we've become friends. And when you're an author who is friend with another author, you often get the opportunity to read advanced copies of their work. As Kate is the author of my favorite zombie series, it was better than Christmas when I found her latest masterpiece waiting in my inbox. I know I'm always going on about her Broken World series, but honestly, peeps. If you're into The Walking Dead, you HAVE TO read this series. While it only vaguely reminds me of TWD, the plots and characters are fresh, and there's even a bit of romance involved. The series is available on Kindle Unlimited, and book 5 comes out next Monday! While you're at it, check out her award winning book While We Were Human.

4. Awesome beta readers. I finally finished the first draft of Paranormal Guardians, the sequel to Paranormal Keepers, and sent it off to the hands of some very capable beta readers. In the meantime I'm working on another rewrite of book 3, though that likely won't be released until some time in March. I'm very passionate about this series and cannot wait to share it with my readers! If you haven't read the first book, it's available on Kindle Unlimited.

5. New Stephen King book. I've been a fan of the master of horror for 30-some years and I'm always crazy excited when he releases something new. I have a small bookshelf that seems to be in serious distress from holding all my hardcover editions of his work. At the rate he's going, I figure one day I'll have to devote the entire bookcase to his work. I'm especially pumped for The Bazaar of Bad Dreams because even though I adore the man, some of his books tend to get a bit too long winded and I always think his best work has been in short stories. Even though the book has been out for awhile now, I don't plan on reading it until I'm on a beach in January (which brings us to #6).

6. Vacations. Living in Minnesota is akin to living in the tundra. Our winters are miserably cold, often dipping below zero with a wind chill in the double digitis, and the roads are scary as hell 85.9% of the time. As someone who is considerably fair-weathered, the only way I can survive the long, harrowing months is to know at least for a few days during the season I'll get to put my toes in the sand somewhere warm and read a good book. There's no feeling like it. My favorite part about going somewhere warm is taking a catamaran out to play in the water. Even though we just recently had our first snowfall, I'm beyond ready to pack my bags and get the heck out of here.

7. Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2. I'm planning to see the highly anticipated finale of the young adult series this weekend with my family. Although I enjoy the movies far more than the books (yeah, I said it), I'm ready for the story to be over. As much as I adore Jennifer, I'm ready for Katniss to go away and live her happily ever after.

8. Teens with a driver's license. I realize having a child on the road will be stressful, but my daughter will have her license in just over a month (she even already passed the test!) and I'm dreaming of all the times I won't have to drive her into town. But it makes me sad knowing she'll have more of a social life than ever.

9. Untraditional holidays. With our adult children spread out and a few of them holding down unusual work hours, it's not as easy to get together for the holidays. Accordingly, our new Thanksgiving tradition has evolved into swimming, doing a little shopping, and a movie afterwards. Honestly, I adore it. My childhood memories of going to my grandparents' and meeting with the cousins over the holidays is something I'll always cherish, but times have changed considerably and our little family is just as unique as our new tradition. (I guess that's a nice way of saying we're weird.)

10. Red Bull. I know it's bad for you, but it's my one big vice these days and it enables me to function instead of drinking coffee, something I cannot stand. There are days when I'm sure I wouldn't be able to write a single word without it. As may times as I've tried to quit the stuff, I've come to accept it's one thing I can't do without.

That's it, folks. Hope all my fans in the US have an amazing holiday and have plenty to be thankful for, both important and shallow.

On Being Burned Out, Frustrated, and Grateful...An Open Discussion About My Career

While I'm possibly talking to myself with this post as my blog seems to have lost followers in my absence, I thought I'd put it out there regardless. Because a writer's gotta write, right? And I consider it a form of therapy to openly talk to my fans about where I'm at in my career.

Contrary to popular belief or the darkest thoughts of my psyche, I have not quit writing. After several months of putting my craft to work in other avenues in which I usually worked seven days a week and sometimes up to 12 hours a day, I took the months of September and October "off" to help my husband farm. Turns out it was a much needed mental break from writing.  I didn't realize I was completely burned out until I stepped away from it all.

Although some people may think writing is easy and a non-stop fun-fest, it can take a toll on a person - especially when self-employed with ridiculously long days because you're not reporting to an 8-5 job and can type away in the comfort of you home until you're unable to keep your eyes open. And then there's the marketing aspect of being an indie author. Don't even get me started on the business side of my dream career, because I'm clearly not cut out for that kind of thing. I'm unorganized and unfocused, unable to stick to a plan. And the experts say as a writer you have to have a presence on social media. Although it has become an important tool for reaching fans, it's also a place where you learn about the success of others and begin to question yourself and your work.

*Cue depression*

I've been open about dealing with depression in the past and I'm not about to shy away from it now. Around the time I was preparing to help with harvest, I was in a tunnel so long and so dark that it seemed I would never find my way back out. I quit the business side of social media, even unfollowing my dearest of writer friends because it was too painful to see others flourishing when I was floundering. Thankfully I've never been suicidal, but there was a time when everything seemed pretty bleak and I would cry at the drop of a hat. Like many so people battling inner demons, I was able to smile and put on a brave face while trudging through the murkiest of waters. Not many people in my life knew about my struggle.

For the first time in five years, I didn't participate in NaNoWriMo (an annual (November) novel writing project that brings together professional and amateur writers from all over the world). Instead I used this "time off" to evaluate my career. I say "time off" as I was sometimes spending 10 hours per day in the tractor and that can be way more exhausting than one would think. Now that I was able to take a step back and put things into perspective, I'm so incredibly grateful.

I'm sure everything I said above sounds incredibly whiny, especially coming from someone who works from home and doesn't have to meet the demands of a surly boss or punch a clock. Though it's dangerous when you're able to set your own hours in a job you love because there's no one to tell you it's time for a break, it's also incredibly convenient. I'm amazed my friends with jobs can keep up with their teenager's activities and I can't fathom how working farm wives can meet the demands of their husbands. Being married to someone who also sets their own hours gives us the kind of freedom together that most people dream about (aside from the grueling demands of planting and harvest seasons, of course). My days of spending weeks building up the courage to ask for accrued time off are long gone. And I can virtually write from anywhere so long as I have access to power, it's quiet, and there aren't people moving around me (demanding, I know, but I have crazy ADD). In reality, it's the ideal job.

Having gone from a well-paying job to being self-employed almost four years ago was at first a serious blow to my ego. I don't have the kind of salary that a person could live off, but I am making some money. The fact that I have actual fans who buy my books and want to read more really says something. I've wanted to be a writer since I was eight years old. I'm not only proud of myself for making my dream a reality, but incredibly thankful beyond words for those who have an interest in my work. I wouldn't be where I am today without them.

It has never been my goal to become famous. I know I won't ever be on the same playing field with the likes of Stephen King or J. K. Rowling as I'm lightyears away from their level of prose. Honestly, I wouldn't want that kind of public recognition anyway. I'm uncomfortable the way it is when a stranger asks me in public about my next book and therefore know I would totally suck if put in a spotlight of any significance. I simply want people to get excited about my books because the endless stories going through my head won't stay silent. I want fans to fall in love with my heroes and get lost in the worlds I create. And hopefully one day my ultimate dream of having a book made into a movie will be realized. *fingers crossed*

Last night I had a breakthrough and, for the first time in months, wrote for several hours straight. So here I am, back in the saddle of sorts, ready to focus on writing and decide what project I want to do next. Hopefully in 2016 I'll be releasing the long awaited sequel to Shymers and the next two books in the Paranormal Keepers series as well as a few other projects, but I still have to work it all out and decide my next moves. Because that's what you have to do as an indie author - make all the decisions on your own. It's stressful as all hell, but I'm still thrilled that I have the opportunity to spend my life doing what I love. If you've reading this and you've read even one of my books, I thank you from the very bottom of my heart. It's people like you who have helped to make my life complete!

A Reflection of Thanks

I'll forever think of November as days filled with an insane amount of writing, thanks to NaNoWriMo. Like thousands of other writers, I've been hunkering down all month long, stealing time that wasn't really there just to fit in 50,000 words on my new work in progress. Yesterday I finally hit that golden mark, in effect "winning" the personal challenge I had set for myself. Sadly enough, there wasn't any confetti, or any monetary reward per say (I did purchase a new coat in celebration, and had my own personal "Elf" moment), but there was a grand feeling of satisfaction that comes with the creation of a story and achieving a challenging goal.

The most gratifying thing I can walk away with from this experience is that I reached 60,000 on my newest book Paranormal Keepers, and can see the first draft being finished up by the end of December. The bad news is that it seems I've unleashed my inner writing demon and don't know how to put it back in its cage. I've caught myself structuring sentences before I say them out loud in regular conversation. If I don't get at least 1,000 words in a day, I become irritated with everyone and everything. Last night I had three consecutive dreams that were separate stories I was writing as they progressed (one very bazaar one even involving John Green). Sometimes writing is more like a relentless addiction than a job.

Still, I'm glad this was a successful month, and I'm thankful that my creativity continues to flow plentiful. If it didn't, I know I would lose my mind with all of these ideas trying to claw their way out. I'm also extremely thankful for all of you who have supported me by taking the time to read my books, write reviews on Goodreads and Amazon, tweet and blog and Facebook how much you enjoyed them, and continue to buy each of my new releases! You'll never know just how much I appreciate all you do! I wish I could give each and every one of you a tackling hug.

To all my US peeps, I wish you a very happy and safe Thanksgiving with your family and friends. Knock yourself out with turkey, football and good times.

A Heartfelt Thank You to All US Soldiers

It never fails. Whenever I see a one of our soldiers in uniform, whether in passing, at funerals to salute the fallen, on television (even if they're actors swooping in to save the day), or (especially) passing through in airports, tears always fill my eyes. Even a single picture of one can reduce me to a blubbering mess. A sense of pride deep down swells to the point it overwhelms me, and make my heart skip a beat. I'm so touched by their dedication to this country, I feel as if I will burst at the seams.

Sometimes I feel like the black sheep, having come from a family with a heavy military background. My father served in Vietnam (Army), my brother in Iraq during the Persian Gulf war (Marines), and my sister (Army) in Iraq the second time around. The list of family members goes on to include my father-in-law, my sister's husband (plus his two siblings, and even one of their spouses whom I'm also close to), and a son-in-law. Both my husband and I regret not having served, and I think it makes me even more grateful for those who were brave enough to step up and do it—to sacrifice everything to keep the rest of us safe.

My brother with Bravo Co. 1st Plt. 1st Recon Bn.
on flight deck of USS Tripoli
enroute to Pursian Gulf.

When I was a senior in high school, my big brother was deployed to Iraq. Anyone who knows me will tell you I have a terrible memory in general, but I'll never forget the dread that lingered in my gut the entire time he was gone. Not a day passed when I didn't worry about him. I faithfully wore a his picture on a necklace. Each morning at school when the world-wide news updated us on the war, I felt the onset of an anxiety attack. A part of me was always waiting for that call to my parents, telling them my brother was killed. Thankfully, he made it home without any injuries.

More recently when my big sister went overseas as a doctor for the Army in 2005, I purposely tried to keep my mind elsewhere, and have blocked out most of the experience. Having to go through it another time was heartbreaking, even though she wasn't actively fighting in the field the way my brother was. But ever since I was a little girl I've looked up to my sister, and strived to be the good person she's always been. Seeing pictures of her dressed in a helmet and flak jacket, standing next to a broken bust of Saddam Hussein outside of once of his palaces where she was stationed was just too much. Still, the sense of pride I carry around for both my siblings and for all my family members who were in the service is untouchable.

After I became a wife and then a mother, I started to understand where this deep appreciation for our troops that makes me cry stems from. I know that feeling of dread parents and spouses of soldiers must carry with them every single day. I know what it's like to have to pretend everything's okay while someone you love is dodging bombs and bullets on the other side of the world. Every single person in my life who served our country is a good person, the kind you would trust in every day life to have your back. And to give up everything in your life to defend millions of strangers you've never even met quite honestly should launch you directly into sainthood. Now that my eleven-year-old has proclaimed he wants to one day serve our country, I'm faced with the conundrum of knowing how hard it will be for us, yet knowing there's nothing else he could do that would make me and my husband more proud.

When I recently asked my brother if there's anything I can say to the soldiers I come across in the airport without seeming like I'm crazy or disrespectful, he told me, "Tell them thanks, and to be careful." So I say that now, to anyone who is actively enlisted and may be reading this—thank you, and please be careful. People like you, and those who served in the past make me insanely proud to be an American. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your service!